i want skinny back . . . don't care what anyone thinks . . .

Goodness . . . life is such a crazy, unpredictable thing . . . and I am sick of it to be honest! I am going back to the one thing that has always brought me happiness, meaning, and the feeling that I am doing something right . . . and that is ANA. . . and if anyone has an issue with it, they can just stick it!! I am so sick and tired of trying to please everyone . . . at my own expense . . . 

I have lived with ana/mia for most of my life . . . and that is truly the only time that I have been happy with myself . . . last year I was admitted to an ED Treatment facility . . . and it is the worst thing that could have ever happened to me . . . I am almost back to my highest weight ever . . . and I am seriously DISGUSTED with myself!!!! How did I let it get to this?? How did I allow others to push me and do what they thought was right . . . who gives a damn what they think is right or wrong!!! It is not their body, and they don't have to live in it, with the guilt and disgust of what I have become every damn day of my life!!!! So, I am taking back control and giving it up to ana. . . . I am ready now. . . and there is no turning back.. . . this is it. It is time to get back to business and live the way I want to live. . . . not how anyone else thinks I should live . . . I'd love all your support . . . I don't need it, but it sure would be nice. . . .
 
So, here it goes . . . my starting weight is 231 lbs . . .  SICK!!!!!!! how did I get here? This has to change . . .  NOW. Please help me everyone . . . I need this. . . I want this . . . I HAVE to have this . . . I NEED to feel my bones again . . . here goes nothing . . .

I know that this will open me up to a lot of scrutiny and judgement . . . but this is what I need to do . . . so that I don't give up and never go back to this . . . I will keep you all updated with my progress . . . any tips, advice, encouragement, or help is greatly welcomed and appreciated!!!